lifetoast

Month: November, 2014

shining stars

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I like pastels.

I drink Starbucks.

I wear leggings as pants.

I’m as basic as it gets.

It’s funny: the phrase of “being basic.” This generation has such a need to prove themselves as full of sarcastic wit, so unique and hip.  Let me tell you something: YOU ARE SPECIAL. YOU ARE UNIQUE. It’s what you need to hear, I know. Sometimes in this world, you feel like the tiniest star in the galaxy.

Yet a dirty thing happens where we feel the need to be SHINING STARS. To say to the world: I. AM. SPECIAL. Somehow that message of confidence and strength in a critical world gets distorted into a desire to be the best. Where the only one that can shine is one person. Every person becomes a competitor. Judgment and harsh criticism seems to be the way to win.

But it is so powerful to be part of something, to find someone whose interests align with your own. That current of camaraderie sparks between two souls a kinship that we need in this world. It doesn’t dim your bright, shining soul to be similar to another person; it fosters it, nourishes it. Even if it’s just a love for Nike shorts or pumpkin spice lattes. So when you do share interests and habits with another person, celebrate it! And what intrigues me might not intrigue another. I don’t understand Trekkies but still! Let’s rejoice in it! A community gathering together for a shared love? It is beautiful.

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Wearing my J. Crew plaid shirt, Ralph Lauren puffy vest, Zara leggings, Ugg boots, Gap infinity scarf and Ray Bans while picking apples. Being basic and loving it. There is a hot apple cider somewhere in that wagon. At Linvilla Orchards.

saturday surf

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We always make this stuffing.

I’m thinking of trying this gravy and this side.

These duck boots paired with these camp socks. (And how to tie your boots!)

This parka.

Perfect bridal shower banner.

Always a good gift to send: chocolates and popcorn.

saturday surf

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I rediscovered this store. Love ittt.

This lady is an amazing fitness blogger. AND has full length workout videos.

I’m having a mini party this weekend! One thing I plan on  making is this.

Oatmeal smoothies. Prep on Sunday for a healthy breakfast the whole week.

All the ladies in my family are getting these tights for Christmas.

Lids and straws for your Mason jars!!

Make this ASAP. So good on burgers and steaks.

An idea for Thanksgiving stuffing.

These mugs!

i know my worth

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Of course, the break up concern turns quickly into a man hunt. “I know a guy that would be perfect for you!” “You have viable eggs!”

Yes, people are getting engaged and married and having babies. I’m happy for them. That was once my path! Yes, it seems bizarre to be diverted off that road. But why do I have to be so quick to get back on it?

I am in no rush to be committed to another person. Sometimes I need to remind myself of that. And I want to say that I THINK IT’S OKAY TO BE SINGLE. It is not scary to be alone unless I’m in a dark alley in North Philly.

But solitude bothers people. Seeing a person eating lunch by him or herself raises eyebrows. How sad! people whisper, averting their eyes quickly as if the sight alone will curse them.

HEY. Let’s be okay with ourselves. You don’t always need a person. You are enough.

We are flawed as humans. Our drive to do more, see more, be more is admirable. But the quirks are what makes you endearing and so uniquely you. Dedicate some time to yourself. You don’t need to go out every weekend, to validate yourself with the presence of others.

I don’t need a man. I also don’t need to be buttered up with compliments. I know my worth. All of us should know our worth and not compromise.

Just because the last relationship didn’t work doesn’t mean I can’t make one work. But that doesn’t mean I have to have one RIGHT NOW. I would rather a really good latte right now. A back massage. But not another person as much as I could possibly love them.

 

Picture from the Pink Lady row at Linvilla Orchards, 137 W Knowlton Rd, Media, PA

 

 

saturday surf

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I can’t wait to start listening to this podcast.

Finished this book: trippy but good.

Matcha is the new coffee?!

Bought a brioche loaf. Need to make this for brunch.

These girls always inspire me to work out.

Do this yoga challenge with me (instagram: @healthtoast).

To satisfy my Texas-grown belly, let’s eat this.

I now have an obsession with advice columnists: this one and now this one.

I want to go to this concert!

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Pictures of beef bibimbap from Bap. Located at 1224 South St, Philadelphia, PA.

post-break up

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Everyone is concerned. When you have a breakup, there are a lot of questions. “How are you?” “Are you feeling okay?” “Tell me what happened.” It’s sweet and well-intentioned and you say “I’m fine!” You smile and say that things didn’t work out. Your mind grasps at the clichés that people say in movies during these situations. What are you supposed to say again?

No one is fine post-break up. No one can explain the mess that it is. A relationship does not die without a single emotion entertained. It’s an aching heart, ghosts of memories and many, many what ifs. What if we just kept pushing through? What if we never said such hurtful things to each other? What if I never knew the things I know now?

The days are busy and full but I will walk the dog and my mind whispers to me what if. I’m thrown back into that tortuous path of re-evaluating what went wrong, who was more wrong, and what wrong could have been righted.

But it was perfect.

It was two high schoolers who loved each other with as much love as they could. Who supported each other through college and graduate school. It was catching rides with strangers to see the other. It was mailing sweet love letters. It was listening during tough times. It was laughing with heads thrown back. It was sweet and awkward and confusing like a first love should be.

And, despite the fact that we are over, I know I was blessed to have spent eight years with such a good, kind-hearted man.

So I am not blissed out in a relationship but I’m working on being okay. Which is okay! No worries, ya’ll. Really and truly. Thank you for your love and support.