lifetoast

Month: August, 2013

how beautiful and sweet this world can be

I’m feeling particularly distracted today, especially after taking a delicious afternoon nap. Before I call it quits on reviewing pathology lectures, I wanted to stop by and share some of my Big Sur pictures. These are my favorites from the trip.
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Truth be told, at times I want to give up photography.
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I feel unknowledgeable. About technique. About cameras and all their finicky parts. (What do I know-or understand- about crop factors? Zilch.) I want to hide my cameras into a dark, cobwebby corner of my closet along with my photography aspirations.
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But these pictures make me happy. I have no clue if they’re correctly exposed or accurately use the rule of thirds. I just like them and the quiet satisfaction I feel upon looking at them. I remember the awe I felt being immersed in nature and how acutely aware I was of the fragility of life and my many blessings. And that is enough._20130818.Big Sur.72

Sometimes when day after day we have cloudless blue skies,
warm temperatures, colorful trees and brilliant sun, when
it seems like all this will go on forever,

when I harvest vegetables from the garden all day,
then drink tea and doze in the late afternoon sun,
and in the evening one night make pickled beets
and green tomato chutney, the next red tomato chutney,
and the day after that pick the fruits of my arbor
and make grape jam,

when we walk in the woods every evening over fallen leaves,
through yellow light, when nights are cool, and days warm,

when I am so happy I am afraid I might explode or disappear
or somehow be taken away from all this,

at those times when I feel so happy, so good, so alive, so in love
with the world, with my own sensuous, beautiful life, suddenly

I think about all the suffering and pain in the world, the agony
and dying. I think about all those people being tortured, right now,
in my name. But I still feel happy and good, alive and in love with
the world and with my lucky, guilty, sensuous, beautiful life because,

I know in the next minute or tomorrow all this may be
taken from me, and therefore I’ve got to say, right now,
what I feel and know and see, I’ve got to say, right now,
how beautiful and sweet this world can be.

Sometimes | David Budbill

thrumming pulse of summer

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The Primetime Burger (+ fried farm egg) at Hopdoddy in Austin

I’ve had a hard time summing up my days. I couldn’t quite place a finger on the thrumming pulse of summer, so fast that it feels slow.

Weekdays were spent working with my mom at her office. I created Excel sheets, made binders for various forms and popped into my mom’s office when I was bored. (Really, it was the best job for me since I love making things more efficient. Don’t judge.)  On weekends I saw Mat who was knee deep in rotations or caught up with old friends. But the most notable thing about this summer has been road trips.

Massive bouts of wanderlust attacked me this year; I was pea green with envy of people jetting around the world while I’m in school. Although I didn’t go abroad this summer, I whetted my appetite with trips to Austin, one to see my sister in Chicago and two major trips from Philadelphia to Texas and from Texas to California.

I scoped the lands from Big Round Top, breached Pentagon fences (on accident, of course), careened down the most breathtaking trail to Fort Lancaster, dug my toes into the fine white sands in Alamogordo, held  my breath on Highway 1 as our van lumbered to Big Sur.. It’s been an amazing summer.

I am in California still actually! A light breeze is tickling my arm and the sound of cars whooshing by is a surprisingly soothing background in the heart of Irvine. Mat and I have just returned from San Francisco and are staying at his family’s place until Friday. Then it’s on to Texas! And then onwards to Philadelphia! And second year of dental school!

I’m anxious about second year, which is supposed to be the absolute worst year of dental school. I’ve heard it’s a blistering barrage of projects and exams and yet I catch myself eager to return. Aren’t I ridiculous? I think it’s because this summer has been utterly relaxing with plenty of trashy TV (Korean dramas and True Blood, anyone?) and Pinterest so I’m ready to shimmy into my ceil blue scrubs and get back to work.