saccharine mushiness

by ann

This post is late in coming. But I needed time to digest what has happened.

When I learned of the Boston bombing last week, I cried. For the runners, for the cheering supporters, for the unlucky passerby and mostly because of a gut-wrenching fear of the unknown.

Yet my sorrow seemed unwarranted. I was told that these occurrences should open American eyes to the tragedies abroad. I don’t disagree with the bigger picture yet lives were lost. Lives are lost everyday, they countered.

All you can do is keep living. Be grateful. Keep living.

Those were the words that gave me solace. That comforted me. And when I proclaimed just that I was met with.. silence. It was a disappointing moment.

Doubt crept in. Was I wrong in what I said? No, I realized, we have all just grown to deflect. Sarcasm and disdain towards optimism is our answer to life’s difficulties.

But I embrace the saccharine mushiness. I like inspirational quotes, happy endings in movies and tight hugs. I am in daily awe of the blessings of home and family and friends that I have. My heart bursts at the beauty in pictures and words that people can offer.

I am a child. Age accounts for nothing. I have spent a disproportionate amount of my life in thoughts and I have come to the realization that life is best lived simply. Childlike. Simple and childlike. These are condescending characteristics to give a grown woman, yet those are the very words my grandmother had use to describe me as a babe: sah. Amy would tease me-still does- about how I was sah sah and not very bright. But I like this idea of being sah if it means viewing life with less complications. I want to embrace life like a child does: with wide eyes and open arms, fearless.

Trying to Pray

This time, I have left my body behind me, crying
In its dark thorns.
There are good things in this world.
It is dusk.
It is the good darkness
Of women’s hands that touch loaves.
The spirit of a tree begins to move.
I touch leaves.
I close my eyes and think of water.
—-James Arlington Wright